What wrong have i done ?

In this world of machines and wars, accidents and calamities can strike you any time.One such accident happened in my life and my brother had to paid too much for it.He had serious damage in his skull.Doctors were able to remove the clot but yet some part of his brain was raptured too far away from any recovery or cure.Due to this his brain was unable to make some cells and his body slowly stopped working.The doctors said at the end he will be alive but like a dead person.Only his brain will work but he will be more like in a person in coma.
We were from Ooty.A lovely place to be in.After mom and dad i was only one in the home and my brother was studying in boarding in Delhi.Still it was a happy life.And the story to my ruins started 3 months before.I was happy beyond any limits as my brother was coming back after completing his boardings.He have been the only precious thing in my life.I love him so much and could go to any limits for him.Had never said him no for anything.He was with me after 1 week.I was happy,life at the fullest.I was all alone these years but now it felt that all of my lonliness came to an end.He met his old colony friends and they started chilling out in Ooty as they did years ago........stupids,dumbos,yet sweet devils.Some days later he asked me for a car.

"Yo bro ! What century are you living in ?"
"Now what kind of question is it ?' I replied
"Mah sweet innocent bro, How about buying a car ?"
"Hmmmm....well i never felt need of buying one, i am happy in my LML Vespa.If you want to buy one you can have"
"Accha and what about money ?"
"Have i ever said no to you ?"
"Well there is a plot on my name na , that one near well ? Why don't sell it and buy car from its money ?"
"I thing i am the one to think over the needs of this home and not you.I don't want you to speak in these matters.One of my plot is near a school and once they said they want to buy some plot nearby and can pay instantly, i will talk to them.No discusions now."

Next day i went to that school management.I had a chat with them and they agreed to buy that land.I was happy enough,they gave me some advance,as they probably thought that by doing this they will save some money in registry part and other taxes in court.So we went to have a car then and he said he gonna have a Santro.Ya fine why would i have some problem with it.He is the one to drive it ,i am far away from machines and all.And finally came the Saturday night, well saturday nights are rocking here in Ooty , people from outer area comes here for fun and drinks and lots of fun and lots of drinks....haha.These freaking kings also were ready to rock the night.I just warned my brother not to drink and drive.He promised me he won't,but i was damn sure he will but now i think it would be less.And there they go.............
After 3 hours i got a call informing me about his accident.He was addmitted in a hospital nearby.My hands started shivering i was all blue without oxygen.Had no power to drive my scooter so i ran to my neighbours and told them everything.Uncle took me to hospital.It was all so silent out there,damn that silence was killing me at that time.And my mind wanted to shout out there "Make some noise stupids,make some noise my rockstars".I came to know that two of them were serious,and one was my bro.I was speechless.It was not hurting much now because my bad dreams came true somewhere.It was an injury on his head and doctors said they gonna put him under 12 hour observation after the .Though they told me chances are less but they can think of miracles anyhow.Meanwhile i completed all the formalties.Uncle is a retired Colonel from Indian Army he helped me out in formalities and cash problems.He was always too tough and always too strict for both of us,or mayb with all youngsters in colony,hmmm........yes which oldies love young bloods ? But mayb he showed up as a father this first time.I was sitting in the corridor on the wodden seat as the operation went through.He came up and put his hand over my head.This was the first time he did something like this.He sat beside me then and started talking to me

"Your father and i were very good friends, he left his best friend alone here.My son left me and my wife just for his wife.What could i ever expect from this life ? We have grown too old but still waiting for life to get stable.Your aunty always tried looking her son in you both, and i was afraid to let you both in my life because i was afraid that you both will also leave us.I know i have been too harsh with you all many times,but you both acted too good and what i was ignoring, finally cameup somewhere, you both took place of my son but i kept it all inside because i never wanted to loose anyone now."

I hugged him without saying anything.It was like someone had given me chilly,i know drinking water will make me feel good till i am drinking it,and later on it gonna be same.But i feel a bit relaxed after doing that.We sat their for almost three hours without any words.Operation also finished.Doctors came out, i asked them how was my bro and they replied they were able to remove the clot but were unsure about his condition as the wound was too dangerous and some part of brain was raptured.I was awake whole night,uncle told me to sleep but i was too worried to even take a small nap.Day went by........
My hero persisted those 12 hours anyhow,and that was where my hopes had grown too high."He is fighting,he is fighting",i thought this in my mind and a small smile came out of my lips.The doctors told me that the heart-beats were normal now but he was not into his consiousness.Still they said that it mayb possible that he will survive in a good manner but there could be some deforms in his mental condition.I said fine still we have the chances that he gonna be fine(Yeah this hope part is what we all Indians have in common).

He was getting fine and after someday he came into consiousness,the doctors performed some more tests on him and came to an conclusion that his brain stopped creating some cells due to which slowly slowly he was loosing control over his body and finally he will end up like a person in deep coma.I was with my blank face,as if emotions were dead but i still asked doctor if there are any hopes that the brain will start working normally.And he answered:
"No.....Not possible in terms of medical science but miracles do happens,so its all upon you now."
"All upon me ?" I was totally blank when i heard this from him.
"Yes..!!"
"You mean......."
"I mean its not my first case like this. And almost all of them have gone for mercy killing.Its better to see them dead for once rather than watching them dead each and everday."
"You can say this cos the person lying there on bed is not your brother. And the whole world can loose hopes on this but i can't, i can never........."
"I am sorry, i never meant that but......."
"Really doctor i mean it, my brother can loose hope but he will have to come up for my hopes, and he will never let me down, i know my brother, he can never see me loosing.He surely will come up soon."
"I too hope the same for him. Anyways you can take him home next week if you want."
"I will" and i smiled as i have never smiled before.
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"Hey bro wakie wakie :) we back to our home. Woooooooooo!! Would you mind if i can sleep here in your room ?? No cos i just need to make sure if you need something sometime na."
"Come on ass say something........ Fine leave it. Till then em gonna cook something for myself and yeah offcourse soup for you."
"Woopie.... so the food is ready sir."
I made him gallop the soup and then had my meal. Took a little nap. Then woked up and cleaned all his mess.
Life remained same for almost 2 months. Now everything kept me busy more like a routine or a duty. This was my life but i was loving it. Till then i was keeping up with my own research work on this and I read somewhere that music and plants can help getting out of paralysis. But can it be counted in paralysis condition ??? Hmmm..... confused but lets try.
I was all mad so almost all of his room was full of lovely flowers. Damn is this the way to cure someone or to make someone erotic =)) lolzz me so dumb :P. And yeah sweet music.
It was all the same way. Dunno about my bro but i think i was coming out of the shock and after-effect. But the doctor said my bro was getting better and had shown a lot of progress. Good for me :)
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"Doctor can i do anything else to make him better ?"
"Well i don't think so that you need to do anything more. But still if you want to do something then try getting a pet, i gonna make your mood fine and even patients do cheer somehow and show progress. I many cases these animals help in recovery in such cases. Small animals are more like children everyone get please to see them playing."
"Ok doctor :) "
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After 2 days i bought a kitten. It was cho chweeet :)
"Hey brooiiiiii look whos here :D a kitty. Small chweetu cuttie cuttie kitty :D"
I was all happy as i have got a new kiddo. Now it all never bothered me. Nothing was like a duty or routine. I really loved doing all this. And at the free time i played with cucu bubu oops........ cutie cutie kitty :P:D. Time passed by. Winters were knocking at door. I took out the blanket for bro. I loved this red blanket , it was the warmest i ever had. Being in it was like just in heaven.
Even kitty loved it now. It can be alwayz seen sleeping on that blanket. And thus the life continued......
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Winters finally arrived.
"Doctor is he gonna be okay ?"
"Well yes!! i think soon he will come up again."
"Thanks, i was willing to hear this"
That day it was like a day to party out with my brother and kitty. These were the only 2 i had and the only two i have now.
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Somedays later. It was a chilling night, it was snowing out. Cold breezes were coming in. And so the kitty went into the blanket near my bro. I was busy cooking. After the dinner was cooked i came to bro to see him.
"What the hell !! How come ?? is it water ??"
I put off the blanket and the kitty ran out from it. They kitty coz of cold pissed on brothers pillow. His face was..... ahh
can't even say that..... This was the first day i felt how helpless my brother was.
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I had been thinking this whole night. And finally i decided up something.
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I killed up the reason that made me feel my brother was helpless. I killed it.
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After a week i went to uncle and aunty. They were with no words. I didn't even let them speak anything.
"Its like i see my mom and dad in you. Can we live here with you as your children. Or could you both come and live with us ??"
"Ofcourse my son. Whatever you say."
"Fine we are shifting here :)"
And i was able to see smiles on their faces. First time :)
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Then i came back to my home.
"Heya lets pack up and go to our new home."
But Meow......... cried the kitty.
"So you are empty tummy" and I went and put some milk in its bowl.
These were the only 2 i had and the only two i have now.............. Not two now :) Its three : Mom , dad and kitty. I had just chosen , who needed me the most.
What wrong have i done ?

Color of My Blood Is Not Red Anymore

Nice weekend, sunny morning,
people enjoying, kids playing n running.
Those smiles turns into tears fast,
being unknowingly stucked in accident ,crossfire or a blast.
Blood once mixed with redness of love, dreams and desires,
Is blood now mixed with dust,footsteps and prints of tyres.
Color of that love is not red anymore.
Color of my blood is not red anymore.

Chilling winters are back again,
hard to sleep on footpaths and lanes.
Cement down acts more like chilling thrones,
Cold penetrating more like pins and pointed stones.
Many died of that violent cold wars,
some being murdered and some under cars.
That blood is now chilled,dark and unsoaked on floor,
Color of that blood is not red anymore.

Hunger crossing limits,lines killing them,
Men becoming terrorist, terrorism killing man.
Mothers died, brothers died,children and others died,
leftovers cried, compromised, survived and finally died.
Plants gives life but plants are dry,
rivers don't have a single clear drop to cry.
Women so pure is tortured like a whore.
Truely ! Color of our blood is not red anymore.

Mother India

I am a mother. A mother who have seen many civilizations, many cultures, many languages, many stories , many epics , many religions blooming in my own garden.I don't care about any Mahatma Gandhi or any Bhagat Singh, they were just another kids, my kids.How can a mother compare her two kids ? How can a mother compare any of her kid with any of her other kid ? No matter if one of my kid is in Mercedes and the other sleeping on footpaths, No matter if one is a criminal and other a social servant. I know no laws, i know no despair, no rules and no limits to love my kids. All are same for me.

I am a mother. A mother who have seen many wars, many deaths, many tears and blood rivers flowing over my body. After every death the only thing that is close to them is me, their own mother holding them in her arms. They start up with me and then mix in me. I am a mother who is same with everyone, if i give them hot airs in day time then i am the only one who gives them cold temperatures at nights. So why do my kids die with starvation, climatic conditions, floods, unavailability of water, earthquakes ? Now i put up a question : Which mother won't love to see her kids fighting the problems ? I have always cleared all the shit and mess they have done over me since years with all my smiles.

I am a mother. A mother who takes crimes of her kids on her, every time my kids are cursed, i am cursed with them. If some of my children are corrupt, i am the one who is to be blamed about it in spite of the fact that i have given birth to other kids who have brought pride to the whole humanity. My kids never fall back and if they do fall then it means the competition is still ON and the outcome will always come out in the favor of my kids. I expect too many things from my kids so i give too much to them in form of food. I take pains to give them vegetation. I take the pains to give them fresh drinking water.

But it hurts too much when my own kids blame me for everything. It hurts when i am being cursed by my own kids. I never stop my kids from going to foreign place, but it hurts when they forget me after going there. It hurts when my own kids fights over small things and then kill their mother more by making fences all around me. Making Lines of Controls , making cities from a land , making states from cities , making countries from states. They say we all are a single family , then why so many homes inside ? They say we are sisters and brothers then why fights here. They say we know only one religion and thats humanism then why castism here. They say we all are in same level then why one of my kid is in Car and other on road, walking barefooted. Why one kid ditches some other and say our religions don't match ? Why one of my kids having high percentage gets no place in Institutes and a less qualified kid gets a place in the same institute with money and quota. Why i can see crimes all over ? Why i can see my kids selling themselves to plant bombs to kill their own families ? Why i can see my own family members raping my own girls ?

God must have died only once but being a mother i die everyday. I die everyday with newspaper touching me with pages full of same news of RAPES , KILLINGS , BLASTS , CORRUPTIONS. I die when my kids say a particular state belongs only to a particular caste or religion. I die when they believe Brahmins are high class and others are not. Have i ever given different rice to a Brahmin and other caste ? Have i ever given Water only to Brahmins and not other classes ? Have i ever been partial towards a particular caste or religion. I give them same calamities, same food, same care then why my kids are not together ? I am a mother whose own kids have killed, hurt and raped their mother many times. And yet many more times by asking me question "Why is India such a corrupt country ?" "What have our country given us ?"

I am a mother. A mother who always has high expectations from my kids. My expectations are never to get any money from them, never to get a medal from them , never to get sympathy or never to see my pics all over in my birthdays and all. I have only expected them to be good to their family members, their brothers, their friends. I don't force you all to stand for National Anthem, and never gonna force you all to respect me for a week by keeping my pics as their display pics or changing captions, putting flags outside your house, never show your love for me.Just fulfill your duties by paying taxes. Stop crimes and try to do some constructive work and i promise you, i shall give you food and shelter. Stop cursing your environment, coz each and every of my child is capable of changing the whole world with their power of standing alone no matter whether anyone is with you or not, and to stand till the end no matter the end comes before the overcomes. Don't show off that you all love me, coz sooner or later you all will start loving me anyhow. Try to walk with me and i will surely walk with you. No need to tell me we love you mom but do stand when you see someone raping me again.

I am mother.And i am proud of all my kids no matter whether they are proud of me or not.I am MOTHER INDIA.

Only You........

Was sittin up high and ruling the world
saw a gal who was crying inside and fooling the world
still acting up hard with her broken soul
too soft inside but acting up bold
had fallen for her , n fallen so deep
she was only thing that i wanted to keep
i gave her my my smile and gave her my crown
but she back stabbed me and now em all down.

Then u came up,came up as a friend
gave me a reason to smile n a reason to stand
u made ur way through my crying heart
i thought u will stay and pains will depart
i took out my heart and spoked it to u
u apologised hard to continue through
and added "still em here ,always for u"
"but still em here,always for u"

But hope u dun mind if i'll cry up for u
waitin throughout and dying for u
em gonna loose and that is all true
but gal now em sure, i'll b waitin up for u
and i'll be waitin, jus for u.............

Still Here