Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Is it just loosing or another tact of winning ??
There was a kid who was a total failure. He used to fail in all the classes and still tried hard and passed many classes at second attempts. One day just like other days he failed again but he was smiling. Watching him smiling at his failure someone came to him and asked why don't you stop studying if you fail so much. The child listened it and replied with a calm smile : "No one love to fail in his/her life. I know i can't study well and even if i will complete my schooling i will only go for business as i could never be a scholar or someone who would be able to become a good engineer or doctor. But i keep on fighting ahead because i don't want to show this rude and mean world that i am weak inside, i won't let them laugh on me. So i fight and move ahead for my next failure to win again."
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Madness
A sculpter carved a beauty.A beauty so surreal.Painted it with colors so natural, pure and real.I felt in love with her at first sight.I went to see her everyday, she always had same clothes with her, i felt she is not rich.But my love don't see any riches or poors.Sometime laters i tried talking to her and got no reply from her , i thought she was deaf.I never even saw her speaking anything, i thought she was mock too.I learnt sign language.Tried explaining her things but no replies from that side.I thought she was blind too.But my love for her was still pure and true.Never had the power to touch her as i always felt my hands were too dirty to touch her.Days passed by , people near by thought i was gone mad but i don't care , all i had in my mind and heart was she.After somedays rains and storms came,that statue was broken, i went to see her and was shocked to see no blood inside her, no heart too.I was so afraid and shocked, my heart started beating with double speed i felt my heartbeats going high.Then i thought how pure her love was for me that she gave her heart to me.And i blamed myself for her death as i was never able to explain her my love and didn't even gave my heart to her when she needed it.
I still feel guilty for her death as it all happened because of me.Now i decided to spent whole of my life near her ruins. Because i can't even end up my life too as now i have to take care of her heart.People here still call me mad.I think i have got a new word for my love. Madness..........
I still feel guilty for her death as it all happened because of me.Now i decided to spent whole of my life near her ruins. Because i can't even end up my life too as now i have to take care of her heart.People here still call me mad.I think i have got a new word for my love. Madness..........
Monday, April 7, 2008
Kidnapped
24th Jan. 2000
Morning 6:30 : Received a mail to kidnap someone, a pic was attached to the mail. My eyes went to the picture. It was a small, beautiful, green-eyed girl about 15-16 years old. I had to kidnap her from her school as this was the only time she would be alone with only her driver. I followed her for 3 days and planned to nab her on the 4th day. Everything was ready and set to go. Fourth day came, I followed her car as she was going back home from her school. I overtook the car in a lonely street and applied the breaks in front her car. The driver came out and I shot one bullet which hit his thigh. I went into the car, got my handkerchief with the two drops of chloroform on it and put it on her face. The two drops were too strong for her, i just sat there and watched her continuously for the 6-7 hours it took to come out of unconsciousness. She was more beautiful than she looked in her pic. She opened her eyes and started shouting, i told her it was of no use as no one would hear her voice. Then i convinced her that i am no harm to her as i was being paid to do so. I reassured her as best as possible that i won't do anything to her. She sat in the corner but i was still able to see fear on her face and her lovely eyes. I brought pizza and coke for her but she refused. I was like a blank face, nothing left to say with no reason so I left her alone in the room. After 3 hours i went back to the room, she had the coke and pizza and was sleeping. The chilly Canadian winds made her shiver, so I went into my room and brought bring my blanket and put it over her. A smile came on my face when i saw how she was sleeping hugging the pillow tight in her arms.
I went back to my room, sat on the chair, and thought that how the girl reminded me of my daughter. She must be of 10 years now. My wife wanted me to leave all the crimes and surrender but money was all i needed. Today i felt lonely and complexed when I saw the way the girl hugged the pillow, i thought that even my girl would have hugged me like, if she was with me. But sadly, i had chosen money and not her.
Two days went by and she was getting frank with me, i assured her that her father will give money and she will be free soon. I was getting too close to her, her conversations with me reached my heart. Everything was going fine until my cell rang.
Evening 5:10 : I was ordered to shoot the girl and leave the place as soon as possible as her father was not able to pay that amount. At a single moment in my mind I went totally blank. We were trained professionals, orders and duties were like GOD to us. We were taught only one thing "DO OR DIE". So the duty was duty for me. Loading my gun was hard to do but i couldn't step back. No chances of mistake, no place for emotions too. "Do Or Die" was the only thing that was going in my mind at that time. At the end my mind was set. I gave a missed call to SQUAD Headquarter. If they would feel something suspected, then it would take about 20 minutes for them to reach here and my work will be done in 5 minutes. Went to my room and burnt all the documents. Handed all my letters that i had written for my wife and daughter to my neighbour with her current address to be posted to her later (as i never had the power and strength to post them to her, but i knew after this everything will change in my life). Now i had only one thing left with me, my wife and daughter's pic. I put it into my upper pocket near my heart.
I went to the girl's room. My last words to her were "I am really very sorry". It was hard to do that, tears fell down my eyes but i pressed the trigger with a stone heart. That place became too silent, even the winds stopped. And i left that place forever. Ten minutes after, the cops reached the apartment. It was impossible for anyone to survive from the close point range to the head. But the girl was found perfectly fine but was little shocked, i was happy to see her family happy and thus i gained a place in Heaven. Hope someone in this world will cry for me too now, atleast once :) ..................
Morning 6:30 : Received a mail to kidnap someone, a pic was attached to the mail. My eyes went to the picture. It was a small, beautiful, green-eyed girl about 15-16 years old. I had to kidnap her from her school as this was the only time she would be alone with only her driver. I followed her for 3 days and planned to nab her on the 4th day. Everything was ready and set to go. Fourth day came, I followed her car as she was going back home from her school. I overtook the car in a lonely street and applied the breaks in front her car. The driver came out and I shot one bullet which hit his thigh. I went into the car, got my handkerchief with the two drops of chloroform on it and put it on her face. The two drops were too strong for her, i just sat there and watched her continuously for the 6-7 hours it took to come out of unconsciousness. She was more beautiful than she looked in her pic. She opened her eyes and started shouting, i told her it was of no use as no one would hear her voice. Then i convinced her that i am no harm to her as i was being paid to do so. I reassured her as best as possible that i won't do anything to her. She sat in the corner but i was still able to see fear on her face and her lovely eyes. I brought pizza and coke for her but she refused. I was like a blank face, nothing left to say with no reason so I left her alone in the room. After 3 hours i went back to the room, she had the coke and pizza and was sleeping. The chilly Canadian winds made her shiver, so I went into my room and brought bring my blanket and put it over her. A smile came on my face when i saw how she was sleeping hugging the pillow tight in her arms.
I went back to my room, sat on the chair, and thought that how the girl reminded me of my daughter. She must be of 10 years now. My wife wanted me to leave all the crimes and surrender but money was all i needed. Today i felt lonely and complexed when I saw the way the girl hugged the pillow, i thought that even my girl would have hugged me like, if she was with me. But sadly, i had chosen money and not her.
Two days went by and she was getting frank with me, i assured her that her father will give money and she will be free soon. I was getting too close to her, her conversations with me reached my heart. Everything was going fine until my cell rang.
Evening 5:10 : I was ordered to shoot the girl and leave the place as soon as possible as her father was not able to pay that amount. At a single moment in my mind I went totally blank. We were trained professionals, orders and duties were like GOD to us. We were taught only one thing "DO OR DIE". So the duty was duty for me. Loading my gun was hard to do but i couldn't step back. No chances of mistake, no place for emotions too. "Do Or Die" was the only thing that was going in my mind at that time. At the end my mind was set. I gave a missed call to SQUAD Headquarter. If they would feel something suspected, then it would take about 20 minutes for them to reach here and my work will be done in 5 minutes. Went to my room and burnt all the documents. Handed all my letters that i had written for my wife and daughter to my neighbour with her current address to be posted to her later (as i never had the power and strength to post them to her, but i knew after this everything will change in my life). Now i had only one thing left with me, my wife and daughter's pic. I put it into my upper pocket near my heart.
I went to the girl's room. My last words to her were "I am really very sorry". It was hard to do that, tears fell down my eyes but i pressed the trigger with a stone heart. That place became too silent, even the winds stopped. And i left that place forever. Ten minutes after, the cops reached the apartment. It was impossible for anyone to survive from the close point range to the head. But the girl was found perfectly fine but was little shocked, i was happy to see her family happy and thus i gained a place in Heaven. Hope someone in this world will cry for me too now, atleast once :) ..................
Monday, October 22, 2007
I dream but not of love anymore
You are forever buried in a blanket of darkness,
Your name will be a lasting curse to me.
Hell shall take over your earthly goodness
Such a lie, and you made my tears a memory...
Promises you gave which never reached heaven
Yet I craved every damn pictures of bliss
You left my heart in total unbearable burden
You poisoned me with your last kiss...
What you did, to me was so foreign
Yet I believe you had a reason...
I still feel my tears...despite all the rain
Now I know..for you to deceive...I was chosen
Now it's over and you leave me with open eyes
Tears rage down with hymns of lore
I still think of you despite your disturbing lies
I dream but not of love anymore...
I dream but not of love anymore
I close my eyes but now these visions restore
I try not to dream of you anymore
But helpless as I watch the frozen moments grow
I try not to feel your touch anymore
But it’s useless now as it is very deep to the core
I dream but not of love anymore ….....
Your name will be a lasting curse to me.
Hell shall take over your earthly goodness
Such a lie, and you made my tears a memory...
Promises you gave which never reached heaven
Yet I craved every damn pictures of bliss
You left my heart in total unbearable burden
You poisoned me with your last kiss...
What you did, to me was so foreign
Yet I believe you had a reason...
I still feel my tears...despite all the rain
Now I know..for you to deceive...I was chosen
Now it's over and you leave me with open eyes
Tears rage down with hymns of lore
I still think of you despite your disturbing lies
I dream but not of love anymore...
I dream but not of love anymore
I close my eyes but now these visions restore
I try not to dream of you anymore
But helpless as I watch the frozen moments grow
I try not to feel your touch anymore
But it’s useless now as it is very deep to the core
I dream but not of love anymore ….....
Friday, October 19, 2007
CENSORED PAINS
To forget someone is easy , to ignore is hard,
its like holding your own heart and cutting it into parts.
To chisel your skin until you can see bones,
walking barefooted on spines,broken mirrors and fine stones,
Cutting one of your vein and see every drop of blood getting waste on the floor,
Putting red chillies over your wounds that it may hurt more and more.
Biting your own tongue till blood comes out of it,
then regularly drinking something hot that you may burn every bit.
Mark cuts on your body and go out in snow,
to feel the cold act of pain that you never know.
The pain penetrates inside in such a way that the skin,bones and even soul may creech,
thats the limit this pain sometimes reach.
Yes forgetting someone is easy but to ignore is hard,
hurts inside like you are winner and there is no one to regard or reward.
Guess what it takes to live with so much stress and strains,
These are some of my Censored Pains.
its like holding your own heart and cutting it into parts.
To chisel your skin until you can see bones,
walking barefooted on spines,broken mirrors and fine stones,
Cutting one of your vein and see every drop of blood getting waste on the floor,
Putting red chillies over your wounds that it may hurt more and more.
Biting your own tongue till blood comes out of it,
then regularly drinking something hot that you may burn every bit.
Mark cuts on your body and go out in snow,
to feel the cold act of pain that you never know.
The pain penetrates inside in such a way that the skin,bones and even soul may creech,
thats the limit this pain sometimes reach.
Yes forgetting someone is easy but to ignore is hard,
hurts inside like you are winner and there is no one to regard or reward.
Guess what it takes to live with so much stress and strains,
These are some of my Censored Pains.
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